Handy Phrases For the Intelligencia

TESTICULATING.

Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks (Balls)

BLAMESTORMING.

Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER.

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY.

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM.

An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs.

Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD.

single working girls Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY.

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE.

The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" -needless paperwork and processes.

OHNOSECOND.

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake ( e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSHIT.

Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the toilet. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies

AEROPLANE BLONDE.

One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

BEER COAT.

The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS.

The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS.

A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES.

The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH.

A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS.

The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI.

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

PEARLHARBOUR.

Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbor" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM.

A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks

SALAD DODGER.

An excellent phrase for an overweight person

TART FUEL.

Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women