Alien On the Loose

I usually read the news in the UK just as a way of keeping up with what is happening back in the good Ole UK, anyhow there appears to be an alien killing people there, the police issued a photo fit picture of the suspect in the murders and i would be horrified if i was confronted by such a man,possibly even poop my pants, he is the ugliest, scariest thing i have ever seen, how anyone wouldnt recognise him from the photofit i dont know, it is only a matter of time before they catch him. just take a look

A Few Shots of My Attempts

How Do Those Professional Photographers Get Those Great Shots

I have been practising with my new camera here in Peru, trying to get shots of birds and butterflies in the forest around the camp. It is surprisingly difficult to snap anything worthwhile. I am thwarted by the fact that I am stomping around like a trojan, making lots of noise and have nothing to offer those creatures in the way of a bribe to come and let me take a picture. I have found some bushes where some butterflies come to take a drink but they are small and only a few butterflies come to them. I am of the opinion that wildlife photography is difficult and requires planning and practice and lots of food for birds and insects to attract them to your hide. The practicalities of photography are a bit of a shock and even the huge telephoto lens I have is useless at anything over 15-20 meters away, birds look like a small spec in the horizon. The real professionals must use those hideously expensive giant super telephoto lenses that cost about $7000. so I am already compromised on what I can snap away at and I have missed two great opportunities to snap what looked like a huge hawk as I wasn’t looking in the right place and also a wonderful blue headed bird that just popped up in a bush in front of me and I didn’t have time to bring the camera up at it before it flew away, this game is frustrating but at least it makes me get out of the office and spend time away from my computer.

The Rest of the Crazy Eurpoean Tour

We got up next morning to a typical Spanish day, all clear blue and sunshine, we went down and found tea, toast, cereal and more tea for breakfast on the table, what a great way to start the day. I had arranged to see the realtors to get hold of the keys and we met on time at 10am by the bank. It was like old times, he had sold me the house 5 years previously. He handed me the keys and I went straight up to take a look, it was a little dusty and basically OK inside for 3 and a ½ years without anyone living in it, we went out the back to check the covered patio and found a huge pool of mud, I was shocked to find the water guttering had buckled and a large collection of plants were hanging out of it. The culprit was soon found. The next door house had had some building work done on the roof and loads of sand had fallen onto the roof and drained into the gutter and plants had started growing and as the weight had increased the guttering just buckled and let the water drain inside. We started work and within a few hours the house was totally clean and we were doing some laundry out of the upstairs patio laundry area. We went onto the upstairs landing and opened the balcony doors it was fantastic. We went into town and did some shopping and bought some wine and passed by a house I knew and asked where the owners were, I was given a phone number and rung them. They were so surprised to hear from me, they invited us up for the evening and a meal. We arrived to be met by Joe and Lydia and their two little girls who I had never seen before. The sun was shining and we cracked open a few beers, we chatted all afternoon but as soon as the sun went down the air temp dropped about 15 C to about 10 C, it was very cool. We ordered a piella and the girls went to fetch it in the car and we cracked a few more beers. Time passed so quickly when your having fun. We left about 10pm and I told them we will come back before we leave back to the UK. The next day we went for a drive into the local ancient town of Antequerra. It was a nice day and the shopping at the local new mall was great. We bought more wine and beer and some interesting cheese and meats. We were eating like proper continentals fancy little pieces of meat and cheese and lots of wine. I called around at Joe and Lydias house again on the Monday before we left, I surprised them with a few beers in the afternoon and then we left for a meal in the local huge restaurant. I ordered spicy shrimps and a bottle of wine and everyone was trying something new and interesting. We had a great night eating and drinking this is the part of Spain I liked, the food and wine. The next day we packed up our car and locked the house one more time. We had arranged to travel to the local town with the realtors to sign a power of attorney to let them sign everything to sell the house for us. This meant I didn’t need to travel down to Spain ever again and hopefully sell the house this summer sometime. We went shopping again , I love shopping in Spain for food, we bought some wine to take back to the UK for my sister and neighbours some fresh crusty French bread and some ham of the bone, we sat in a park and made some sandwiches and drank a beer in the sunshine, we discussed Spain and agreed that it was much nicer than France. The people were nicer and the weather was nicer and the food and wine was nicer. It is such a pity that I don’t work in this part of the world. But there again the winter had been very bad and the cost of running an oil fired boiler was $120 a week. That is damned expensive and compared to Costa Rica the weather is still average. We drove from that town back onto the highway and set off on our journey across Spain and France. We stopped in a northern city of Burgos and found a nice hotel right on the edge of town. We ate more packed food and some cookies and had a fantastic nights sleep. The roads were great all through Spain and no tolls until we got to the border with France. We filled up with sweet sweet cheap Spanish gasoline and had a great steak and set off for our long drive across France. We were being hit by toll roads right from the border. The roads again all headed to Paris and in the south were again very boring. As I said previously I was using an old 2002 road map and I had huge problems getting lost and we pulled in for a fill up of gas and coffee and I saw a little map on the table pointing to all the same service centers on the way north and it was showing this road I hadn’t noticed on the way down, it showed it going all the way to Calais, I was astonished. So after we left I followed the new map and followed it all the way to this town of Tours, and we had to detour west but it took us to this new two lane toll road as normal in France and we were able to go around all those towns we got lost in and we were doing great time. We pulled over at a small town well north and found a little bar to get a beer and a bed, the last bed they had was terrible and sagged badly in the middle and all three of us had to sleep on it, it was murder and breakfast was crap a coffee and a croissant. But at least it only cost 20 Euro. We set off and kept on this new toll road all the way to Calais, it was fantastic. We must have saved about 5 hours and we got the early ferry back to the UK and we were back in Chesterfield about 9pm in time for a beer and some more wine to chill out and recount some of the stories of the trip.
I spent the next few days finally clearing all my stuff and furniture out of my house and it all went to my sisters new house which was short of furniture and she did have a huge garage where I could put my car. I even had people viewing the house while I was clearing out, that felt strange, I have had two offers on the house and the last one is for the full asking price.
I think every night we had a bottle of wine and a few beers, I was drinking far more than I normally drink, in fact I virtually never drink at home, but it seemed like a party atmosphere almost, Christmas like. Going to my sisters always seemed like party time and we certainly tried to have some laughs and it was nice to be with big sis. We packed a few things extra to take back to Costa Rica and the bags were very heavy, good job I am a frequent flyer with platinum status as they didn’t charge me with excess baggage and I was able to get into the business lounge and have a few drinks. The flight was long and tedious and the change in New York made it a bit different but I hate traveling through the USA now as the immigration thing is such a pain in the ass and having to recheck the baggage is not a normal thing to do. I wish I could fly through Madrid in future and fly like a normal person.
So life in the crazy fast lane for 3 and a half weeks. Flying to the UK driving over to France and Spain and sorting out two houses for sale and clearing all my shit away and moving into my sisters new house and taking some silly things back to my new dream house in Costa Rica, like a frying pan and a bronze cutlery set and some books, those books certainly cost lots of aviation fuel. Most importantly I got my new 250 GB HDD and digital camera.

My New Camera, Wish I Knew How To Operate It

I have been practising with my new camera and found it a fantastically easy thing to use. The only problem I have is the limitations of the cheap end lenses I bought. In shade outside it is still wanting to use the flash for gods sake. It cannot compensate easily for dim lighting. But with the telephoto I can zoom in on birds and it looks like I cannot get much but the pictures are better on the PC than what you think, the focus is tricky being auto and you have to keep pressing the shutter for it to focus on the thing your looking at and not the one it thinks your looking at. So it is a great camera but the pictures are huge up to 5 MB and that is just too damned big. I will have to shrink them and delete the original. I have a new huge 250 GB HDD for films and music but even I cannot afford to drop 200 pictures onto my new HDD, that would consume 1GB alone. I wish I could take the camera into the plant, I could take pictures of the bats before I rescue them, I have had two rescues this trip so far and todays had a face like a horse, a long snout and huge nostrils, it was covered with mites along the edge of its ears and I was going to try and remove some of them but it was very frisky and really needed to get away, so I took it to the fence and released it ,it actually went back into the plant and I lost sight of it, I had inadvertently took it away from its home on the other side of the plant probably, it would have been cursing under its breath, something about making me fly all this way back to my hole in the tree, who does he think he is, God or something, as though bats believe in God.
This was taken with the new telephoto and I have zoomed in with the PC to be able to identify it

My Drive Across Europe, Madness

I have just returned from an extended trip to the UK France and Spain. It was a trip for two reasons, one I had to go and see my family as my dad is 86 and is very old and losing his marbles and to see my sister and brothers. I was also going to Spain to try and finalise the sale of a small Spanish house I bought several years ago for holidays but I never use anymore as it is far too far to travel anymore. I was planning on using my old car that is in the garage and needed some work but after checking out the insurance situation and the costs of getting the car on the road it seemed very expensive. I checked for a rental and again using a rental in Europe was outrageously expensive, like $1200 for two weeks. I was getting worried as I had arranged meetings for Spain and I still had no transport. I had also promised my wife a drive in France so she could practice her French and this was looking like a long shot now, I could see trouble ahead.
I went and visited my old buddy at his factory and just asked by chance if he had a car I could borrow for the trip as he son was away in the USA at college and he had a car, it was a mini and it would have been a small squeeze but at least it was cheaper than the rental. So studied for a few minutes and said “Yes I think you can borrow my Mercedes and I can use the mini”. I was shocked and delighted at the same time, he was allowing me to use his pride and joy the 20 year old 300SEC Merc. I had driven with him in it many times and never thought he would let me use this one. He organised the insurance and that was £150 extra which I said I would pay. It was huge and auto, perfect for driving on the wrong side of the road on a long journey. I picked it up the next day and it felt grand to drive in this impressive car. I packed all my stuff and the wife and little girl and set off for France. I had to fill the gas tank to start with and I then realised it may have been a bit of a mistake to use this huge car as it took £72 in gas and only does around 20 miles to the gallon and I had nearly 4000 miles to do that is going to cost me about £800 or $1400, jeez this trip is going to cost me a fortune. We got to Dover for the afternoon ferry and bought my ticket at £135, and we landed about 9pm in France. For anyone who has never driven in France then all the roads head for Paris and it is so goddam confusing to get on a road you know is heading south but it says Paris as the last destination, this is because all the main highways head for Paris and there are virtually no roads that go around Paris. So after only a few miles we were lost and driving through little towns in the middle of the night totally lost. Getting on highways that headed for Paris which I didn’t want and then getting lost after trying to get off them so for about 4 hours we wandered about northern France going in circles and we had to pull over to get a nap in a lay-by. It was a freezing night in France, the temperature indicator was reading 1.5 C outside and after 2 hours taking a nap we were all freezing and shivering inside the car. We had to start driving again to avoid dying of hyperthermia. We set off and managed to get to le Mans which is part of the way down France. We got lost again immediately we left le Mans and again were travelling down minor roads and into a huge town and were driving through the centre at 5 am, it was crazy, all frustrated and lost knowing every extra mile was costing a shitload of money in the gas burning monster of a car I was driving. We finally got onto a major road that was taking us south towards Spain and pulled over in a service centre and got some food and a coffee and had two hours sleep. It was 9 am when we woke and found the temperature was a roaring 7 C. The weather was crap all cloudy and misty and cold and dreary, far worse than England. The wind was blowing really hard and was very keen. We set of with many more miles to travel and as we passed by the fields in this farming area my wife was looking miserable and finally said it was nothing like she had expected in France. She had mentioned several times that she would love to spend a year in France to improve and perfect her French. I was complaining saying it was expensive and had crap weather. But as we went through the barren fields and not many houses it was obvious that her dreams were being shattered, she had seen films of the Mediterranean and thought it was all sunshine, warmth and hills and trees and lovely nice houses, not flat horrible ploughed fields and no trees and no houses. So that will save me some money anyway. We went through some pine plantations as we headed south that lasted for perhaps a hundred miles, nothing but boring pine plantations. We spent maybe 6 or 7 hours driving and needed a hotel and I was planning a night in Biarritz. we were getting hammered by road tolls all the time and they were not cheap, in total maybe 60 euros across france. We got there about 3pm and tried driving into town and were driving round and round a terrible one way system that left us nowhere to find a small hotel anywhere. We went out of town and down the coast a little bit and found some little village with a nice hotel away from the main road. It was nice but damn it was £50 for the night, it had no heating and a tiny bedroom and crap cable TV, they are just an expensive country, gas was almost as expensive as the UK. We went for a meal in the nearby beach restaurant and the food was very expensive and small portions all typical of France. The bill was 50 Euros for two meals and 3 drinks. We did have a great nights sleep and felt very refreshed after a hot steaming bath in the morning and a breakfast of cereal and fruits. We set of again and the border is only 10 miles south and we set off and filled up with fuel in Spain that was nearly half the price of the UK and France, a great start I thought. The roads were much better laid out and the tolls were very few and far between and only perhaps 2 tolls at the start of the trip until we got onto the Madrid main road. The road was direct and fast and not that busy we stopped for something to eat and the food was in a different class to France, it was cooked nicely and lots of choices and prices were about as expensive but it was a proper meal not service station crap like France. We got to Madrid pretty quickly and then another 600 km to go, I was checking my watch and seeing if we could get to the coast by night to save driving the next day, I sped up a little and driving through the southern mountains was spectacular and very beautiful, the temperature had risen to 14 C, not great but much better than France. The drive was wonderful not getting lost once and very scenic, Jenny was very impressed, we got inot my little town about 9.30pm and I went directly to the guest house I stayed in last time and knocked on the door, out popped the old guys head and asked what we wanted, I said “I hope you have a room for me”, it took him a while to recognise me and he then invited us in, he asked if we wanted a drink of tea. Real english tea in Spain, woohoo I was delighted at that offer. He brought in the tea and we chatted for about 30 minutes and then he brought out the wine and I had a lovely big glass of this nice red stuff, it was cheap but Spanish red is far better than French cheap red. I drank that and we left to find somewhere to have a late dinner. I remembered a small place across the small town and hoped that it was open , we got through the doors at 11 pm and yes it was open, we were the only people there though and I ordered a beer for me and the wife and he then presented us with a small tapas, a tiny dish of food which was beef in sauce and a few fries. It was delicious and every time I ordered a beer we got another tapas, the next one was fried squid and was also delicious and we didn’t need a meal I got drunk eating with my tapas, it was great stuff, we ate for about an hour and went back to the Bed and breakfast place about midnight, for a fantastic sleep and to get ready for my day sorting out the old house.

My Little House in the southern spanish mountains

Lifes Lessons Learnt

I’ve learnt that you cannot make someone love you
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

I’ve learnt that no matter how much I care
Some people are just assholes

I've learnt that it takes years to build trust
And it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it

I've learnt that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes
After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs

I've learnt that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others
They are more screwed up than yourself

I've learnt that you can keep vomiting
Long after you think you’re finished

I've learnt that we are responsible for what we do
Unless you’re a celebrity

I've learnt that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first
The passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to replace it

I've learnt that 99% of the time
That when something isn’t working in the house
One of the kids did it

I've learnt that the people you care most about in life are taken away
And the less important ones just never go away

Pass this along to 5 friends and trust me they’ll appreciate it
Who knows something good will happen

If not….. tough shit

Crazy Lima Town

I travel in and out of Lima to get to my work site in the jungle and spend 1 night each time. The airport is on the edge of town and you have to travel 20Km to the hotel. It is a frightening experience and to be honest I have never seen such appalling driving. I also have never seen so many taxis and small buses also. It is a sea of yellow and white taxis all driving like total psychopaths weaving about without a care in the world, probably all coked up to work 200 hours a week to make ends meet. Fortunately my driver is from a firm that probably pays better and it is a limo service, by name only, and the car looks better and the driver doesn’t smell bad and it is usually an automatic making it far smoother. But yesterdays driver was all pissed off about something and was wanting to die in a horrible high speed crash, I am not normally frightened by taxis but this guy had me asking God for forgiveness for all the sins I was going to commit over the next 25 years if he let me live long enough to commit them. Quite honestly I will be glad to be driving in the middle east, when I finally get there, and be able to weave about myself and frighten others but I am sure I will be much safer than driving in the seething mass of kamikaze drivers in Lima.

I Hate Modern Technology

I am on my first full day in the Malvinas camp in the Peruvian Amazon on this rotation and I am trying to make my new camera respond to my PC, I am having no luck at all. I am getting seriously pissed off with my new $1000 camera and it looks like I am going to have to buy some more hardware to deal with this crazy situation. Canon have made the camera only respond to its own software and made it as complex as humanly or inhumanly possible. Why cant it just show the memory card like an a disk drive like every other camera on the planet. Oh no it needs to be special, I have checked out the internet and found many other people also struggling with it and eventually just buy a card reader and take out the card and plug it into the PC. Simple enough but it needs more hardware. My computer backpack is seriously overloaded already and I didn’t want more cable and shit making it worse. Other than that the camera is fantastic and I just need some time to get the telephoto working, the macro lens looks like it is going to make things very easy for me. I just hope I can get some shots of the tiny butterflies that live on this camp site.
Crazy Giant Beetle

Shark Bait, Shark Bait, Hoo Ha Ha

I am full of complexes, I want a new project but i want warm weather and nice surroundings, I was assigned to Russia when I left Peru, I checked out the temperature and it was miserable, 0 during the day and -9 C at night, so after my holiday to Spain and France, I get a desperate call from my new manager after my last one quit mysteriously, asking me how quickly i can return to Peru, I was surprised but not shocked. I was promised only 2 more rotations but as you must be aware you cannot trust anyone anymore. I asked if he could get me on the Qatar project and he said he would try hard for me but it doesnt start for another month or so, so i am still inline for Qatar and I am not going to Russia, so once again I am going to that jungle camp for old farts to suffer two more rotations and what am I going to do there. I will take my new digital SLR camera and learn how to use it. Perhaps we will see some nice pictures I can take with it.